My mystic journey of imposter syndrome to confident magikal queen

My name is Courtney Keiser, with many titles and experiences. I touched on the main points within my about me page on my website, but I wanted to offer you access to my full story to learn about my own mystic journey and how I got to where I am now. Our journeys are so important, and I think it helps answer a lot of questions you may have. I get asked a lot, “why did you stop being a psychotherapist after all of that work?” My answer was usually, “well do you have 3 hours for me to tell you?” It is not a short story, and I am not an aspiring writer. I said, “I would never write blogs”. Well here we are, hah! Never say never, it always happens! Sit back, grab some snacks and let’s go on my journey together. 

My entire life I have been connected to spirit. When I was a young child around 3 or 4, I started hearing a woman and a child in my bedroom at night crying and saying my name, asking me to help them. I didn’t know what to do, I was terrified. I felt the energy of a man in my bathroom who was very angry. He would slam my bathroom door shut and charge at my bed. Of course, I would be hiding under my covers, crying, and mustering up the courage to go run downstairs to my parent’s room, asking if I could sleep with them. Some of you may have had similar experiences as children and your parents said, “it’s all in your head.” “You are just having a bad dream.” “That is your imagination, nothing is there.” It is not our parent’s fault that they were raised from generations that had discounted and dismissed these experiences, rationalizing them to feel safer, hardcore skeptics just trying to bring in comfort. Although, our parents did not understand the impact this could have on their children not believing them, making you feel like you were crazy or just a kid with a big imagination, doubting your own experiences and even your sanity. It is not their fault, and I did not hold it against them, but I think about what it would have been like to be validated or for someone to believe me, to trust my word enough to find someone with the same abilities who could have helped me understand what I was experiencing. An opportunity to grow my abilities and use it to help spirits and people. Alas, that was not the time and that was not my situation. The visitations went on for years. Until one day it stopped as I got older. I would still hear my dog who passed away’s collar jingle in my room when I missed him, and my rocking chair would rock back and forth, but never voices again. Anytime, things would move in my room I knew it was spirit and I would say, “leave me alone, you aren’t allowed in my room anymore”. Everything would stop, I was grateful. 

Around that age of 3 or 4 I was also having nightmares of being in the ocean and being eaten by sharks. I had this nightmare every night for months. I didn’t know what this was about, but it became one of my biggest fears. Even though I never saw a plane in those dreams, I would tell people I was afraid of flying in a plane over the ocean, it crashes, and being eaten by sharks. I had no idea why this was my biggest fear until I was 30 years old, which I’ll touch on in my next blog. My abilities somewhat stayed dormant for most of my life. I would be playing volleyball or doing something where I was laser focused and hear my name being called. This would happen often, but I never knew what to do with that. I didn’t pursue or ask questions, or even talk back. I always thought it was someone around me, but nobody was calling my name so I would keep doing what I was doing. Eventually that even stopped, and it seemed that my abilities had been shut off, which I think I had done subconsciously because I didn’t even know where to begin. 

I always had an interest in the spiritual, the haunted, the mystical beings. I loved fairies, Xena the Warrior Princess, mythology, any sci-fi or fantasy topic I was obsessed. When most girls my age were playing inside with their dolls or barbies, I was outside in the woods talking to the trees and pretending I was Xena, I loved animals more than people (still do), tracking animal’s footprints, and going on adventures with myself or the neighborhood boys. At some point when I started doing more sleep overs as I got older, I stopped climbing trees and assimilating to the expectations of what a girl is supposed to do to fit in even though I internally felt like I was an alien on the outskirts of “normal” society. I wished so much that I lived in ancient times full of magik, that was the world I wanted to live in, not playing house and watching cartoons. I was always different but shoved that part of me down enough to be liked. 

As I grew older, I felt so disconnected from the spiritual and mystical parts of me, I had transformed into your typical teenager. Full of myself, the drama of my social circles, and boys. Even though I wasn’t honoring those parts of me anymore, I did know they were still there. My fascination with spirituality and spirit never truly went away, it just went into the background. 

I initially went to Kansas State University enrolled in the pre-veterinary medicine school with aspirations of becoming a veterinarian because of my love for animals. I had worked at a vet clinic in high school, and this was my dream job since I was a little kid. My first semester I was enrolled in chemistry and that changed everything. It was an 8 AM class in a giant lecture room of about 150 students with a German speaking teacher that dimmed the lights to use an overhead projector reflecting on a big screen. Not ideal for a freshman who was not responsible enough to not party, who was bad at math especially math with letters and a professor’s accent I couldn’t understand. You can probably guess; I failed that class miserably. I had not thought about the fact that I would have to take about 8 chemistry classes throughout my 8-year program. I had to face the reality that this was not the career for me. I could still help animals and not be a doctor. I looked at the other majors to see what involved the least amount of math that I would enjoy and be good at. I landed on fashion merchandising and felt happy with this choice. My parents and I moved back to Austin, TX the summer after my first year and I was expected to return to KState in the fall. After being surrounded by all my friends I had been apart from, it was hard to leave again. I stayed and enrolled in Austin Community College (ACC) to retake some classes I didn’t do so great at and needed to get my GPA up so that I could transfer to Texas State University in the Spring. 

It wasn’t until I was in college at Texas State in my early 20’s when I started reconnecting to the mystical and spiritual parts of myself, I left behind when I discovered Ancient Aliens on TV. My mind was blown, but also it sparked the rekindling of the fire of knowledge to seek more information about the unknown and to question as a society what we are told about everything. I was completely consumed by this, ignited by the thirst for knowledge. I started going to Barns N’ Noble to the New Age section to buy books of authors that were on the show and reading as much as I could that I started calling myself an Ancient Aliens theorist! It became a new party trick to share what I was learning with my friends, talking their ears off. Fortunately for me they drank the koolade and soaked it all up. They would tell their friends and bring them over for me to talk to them about it. I felt so comfortable in this role of being informed, sharing my knowledge, and talking about things that mattered on a soul level or at least was interesting and deeper than most conversations people were having at the time. I loved seeing people start to question their reality and what they have been told about life and our place in it. That excited me so much and that was just the beginning. 

That New Age section in Barns N’ Noble became my favorite place, and each time I went I kept seeing more and more topics that I had interests in, I just wanted to learn more and fill my brain with information. Although, there weren’t that many people I was around that also knew about these topics, I would passionately share with people what I was learning. Before long friends were asking to borrow my books about mediumship, auras, ancient mythology, psychic abilities, and intention. I was so excited to expand other’s minds, but I had no idea where that would take me. 

Soon after college my last very toxic traumatic relationship ended. It had been a long period of my own toxic behaviors. Quitting jobs and doing a lot of drugs, my life was a disaster. I ended up moving back home with my parents to take time to figure out what I was going to do with my life. I had received a bachelor’s degree in fashion merchandising and I did great things with it. I was an intern for the vice president of visual merchandising at Burberry, Ltd. Of the Americas in NYC, I studied abroad in Paris at Paris American Academy and participated in Paris Fashion Week. I interned for the stylist of Austin Monthly and worked a lot of retail, but most successfully as a personal shopper at Nordstrom. I absolutely hated the fashion industry and the environment it represents. I appreciated the creativity of self-expression, but I did not enjoy the surface level judgmental personalities that I worked with. I did not feel safe to discuss what I truly cared about and wanted to talk about. I had to wear a mask again and I strongly disliked that. Those jobs were like torcher for me. I was a waitress for a while, I was a lifeguard, I was a sand volleyball referee. I worked for a few months as a senior level software engineer recruiter. I was an a tequila rep slanging free shots to patrons at the bars. I traveled around Austin and Houston selling hair straighteners to customers at Costco. That last one I quit on my first trip out of town to Houston days a week into the job. I absolutely despised that job and came straight home. I had been totally lost. I thought maybe since I loved Ancient Aliens so much and feeling that I was an expert I could become a Ufologist, but that didn’t even seem to fit. So where did I go? You guessed it, Barnes N’ Nobles to visit my old friends. 

This time I was sitting for about an hour in the new age section in awe of all of the different topics, until one book in particular stood out to me- ‘Journey of Souls’, by Dr. Michael Newton featuring case studies of therapy sessions utilizing a therapeutic technique called Life Between Lives Regression Hypnotherapy or LBL. My spiritual enlightenment journey had begun years before this, but this took me to a whole new level of understanding, excitement, and passion that I had never experienced before. I was telling everyone about this book and probably driving people crazy. Finally, I found something tangible in the physical realm that is undeniable proof of life after death. This technique used by a seasoned psychotherapist must be trained at the Newton Institute which takes their clients into a super subconscious state through hypnotherapy, opening a door to their soul’s memory of being a spirit in the spirit realm and all that transpires there. How incredibly life changing and fucking cool!!!! The accounts were so profound, it changed my entire life trajectory. I never wanted to put the book down, I was intoxicated and ended up reading all his books because I never wanted it to end. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, I knew this is what I wanted to do for a living. To have the ability to bring peace in understanding why we live the lives we do and what is to come after we die. I could not imagine a greater gift of healing and safety. I had realized ever since I was a kid people around me would open up to me and tell me their feelings of what was going on with them, even complete strangers. I never thought that was weird or unique, it was just “normal” for me. I had never even considered that it was a gift or considered that I could be a therapist for a living, even though it brought me joy to bring comfort to others and help them through difficulties. 

After a couple of days of letting that sink in and seeing that I had a natural pull towards therapy, I looked up the requirements to become LBL certified and met with my mom’s friend who is a successful psychotherapist to get the scoop of what I needed to do. I researched graduate programs and their requirements, settling on St. Edward’s University and made an action plan of how to achieve my goal. I was a bit overwhelmed by all the work it was going to take, but I wanted this so badly I was determined. It was summertime at this point, and I was striving to begin school in the spring or summer, therefore, I had to start making moves immediately. 

I started a pet sitting service specializing in overnight pet sitting at my client’s homes to make enough money while I was in school creating a perfect environment for me to focus on my schoolwork and study while I filled my heart up with animals (great stress reliever too!) I was making great money and spending time with animals; I really couldn’t ask for a better set up. I had to study very hard to take the Graduate Record Examination (GRE) with high enough scores to get into Grad school before I could apply. I somehow passed the exam but feeling relieved and grateful that part was over. 

Next on my list was writing an entry essay, I was not looking forward to this. The essay was to be about why I wanted to be a therapist and what I wanted to do with that title. I had a really difficult time with this as I had no experience in psychology, human behavior and zero experience in the field. I felt completely out of my element and thought, “why the hell would they let in a girl who was in fashion and how could that even relate to therapy?” I knew I needed help. I hired a writing tutor to help me focus my intention to say it in a way that would resonate with the reader and to keep me from nerding out on spirituality and aliens to a catholic school who probably wouldn’t be very receptive. I had to remember who my audience was and without my tutors help, I most likely would not have gotten in. When we were done, I felt confident that this was going to be great even though I still wondered if they would judge me for my background and think I was not a good fit or qualified enough to get in. Through my doubts, I kept pushing forward and sent in my application and all the requirements. It took about a month or so to get my acceptance letter in the mail. That was a proud day, the beginning of the next chapter in my life I was so ready for, I did it!! 

I signed up for the summer semester and picked my whole 2.5-year track of classes to be a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) with the most excitement to take the spirituality elective later in the program. Pretty much the main class I was looking forward to, and of course by the time I got there, they removed the class entirely, go figure. That was one of many red flags for me where my intuition was telling me counseling isn’t for me, but I ignored that voice and kept pursuing my goal keeping LBL therapy front and center in my mind.

The first class at school was a day I will never forget. I’m in my counseling theories class not recognizing any of the terms, the doctors and therapists who created the therapeutic approaches, surrounded by people who knew it well as psych majors in undergrad. I felt totally out of my element with very strong imposter syndrome like, what the fuck am I doing here??? As we learned the theories, approaches, and skills of being a therapist quite a bit of it did not sit well with me, none of it felt like the full picture of how I wanted to approach helping my clients. I felt like a weirdo every time I answered the question of why I wanted to become a therapist and nervously answered talking about LBL therapy, which zero people or teachers knew about. That was another red flag for me, but I was happy to share my knowledge on the topic, and some thought it was fascinating, but most were more science and by the book focused. I respect other’s reasons for becoming therapists and their approach to therapy, but again I felt painfully like an alien in this setting, feeling like I couldn’t relate to a single person. I would share my frustrations with others about theories that seemed to shame clients through terminology like “irrational” and diagnosing client’s symptoms and behavior. I didn’t quite understand why they wouldn’t just do LBL which would pretty much uncover most of what people were seeking therapy for and why there wasn’t a type of therapy that went further into the spiritual aspect of life. Yes, Carl Jung and other types of therapy like transpersonal therapy do utilize a more spiritual and archetypal approach but it still didn’t satisfy what I was looking to grasp onto. My views have evolved a bit and I respect all types of therapy, as it is extremely beneficial to so many people, it is valuable and needed. I have immense respect for psychotherapy and I do not speak for all therapists or the field in general. This is strictly a personal point of view of my experience in the field. I knew from the get-go this wasn’t going to be a good fit, but again I quieted that voice and kept working towards my goal. 

I worked extremely hard to learn and memorize the information, hearing basically all of it for the first time and quickly became confident in my knowledge. I got more and more comfortable with the information, but always felt frustrated. I wanted to bump heads with teachers, classmates, and processes discussed in class. I learned so fucking much, but I didn’t always agree with the material and methods, there was no denying that and I wasn’t shy about it either. In skills class I remember when we were learning about techniques like reflecting and silence but mainly, we don’t give advice. I was shocked, silence? How in the fuck could that be helpful for clients who are literally there seeking advice to better their life? I didn’t understand why we weren’t allowed to give advice. I wanted to be a good student and pass the class, so I surrendered and went along with it. I didn’t want to get into trouble or be a bad therapist, I mean what did I know? Surely, I needed to trust the teacher who had been a therapist for 30 years. I felt so strange in that skills class when we would do taped practice sessions with other classmates in mock therapy rooms with cameras filming our sessions that we had to transcribe and watch. It was almost painful to watch as the skills of reflection and silence were very uncomfortable for me and seemed unnatural to just repeat what they just said back to them. I learned how this could be helpful, and this is something I do use to this day in times where a client says something that answers their own question or subconsciously, they say a truth about something that they didn’t catch, but beyond that I didn’t utilize it that much. I knew that my natural approach to therapy was more of a coaching style- I wanted to give advice, teach, problem solve, and guide clients through challenges. I felt restrained and confined in a box that didn’t feel right, but I did it anyways to stay open to learning because what did I know? I realized I knew nothing, but I knew what my intuition was telling me, and it wasn’t what I was being told to do. I finally felt calm when I learned about psychoeducation. Finally, a technique that taught clients about their brain, the processes in the body, and how this reflects behavior based on triggering events and trauma. This is something I could work with and felt confident to do. This is something I still utilize with every client I see today. 

The last year of school was a struggle to stay focused and motivated to finish. I was totally burnt-out doing school full time, doing practicum 15-20 hours a week, and taking care of my client’s animals in my business. The practicum I chose was working with young adults with autism in a program that helps build independent living skills and I was a social coach to about 8-10 young adults. This was a cool gig, I was full of imposter syndrome as I had zero experience doing therapy, let alone working with individuals living with autism. I had to learn all about autism. I did constant research to figure out the best methods to utilize to help with skill building, how autism affects their social skills and what works best to help them learn. It was a lot to say the least. I had a knack for it though, I was good at it. I was a social coach and not a therapist, so I could give advice, I was teaching, and they were cool to get to know and watch them bloom socially. I learned the computer system for taking notes, which was not easy, but it set me up to be confident writing notes later as a therapist with deadlines. Things were going well there. 

My final semester wrapped up and the counseling program was going through major changes to become CACREP accredited which included adding two additional classes to our LPC track. Although, they said those of us graduating that semester would be grandfathered in and be able to get our state license without these two classes, they suggested we stay longer to complete those two classes a following semester. This was due to the state switching to align with CACREP accreditation and that most counseling jobs and requirements were going to only accept those counselors who had a CACREP accredited degree. I was furious that they would throw this on us right before graduating, I even got into an argument with the administrator spearheading this change. I was not about to take more time completing these two classes, so I went ahead and graduated, but again another frustrating red flag. 

After I graduated in 2017, I was lucky enough to be offered a job at the place I did my practicum and started working full time. It was lovely to have a job lined up, but it did not start counting towards my internship hours just yet. There were many steps to take after graduation to get an LPC-Intern license which basically means you are working to accrue 3,000 hours under an LPC Supervisor. 1,500 indirect hours meaning hours you spend reading, researching, taking trainings and workshops. The other 1,500 direct hours are direct client therapy hours. This number made me look like a deer in headlights in fear of how long this would take. Our school did not prepare us in the slightest for what we do after we finish school or how to start a private practice. Several other red flags. 

To get the license, you must study your ass off to take the NCE (National Counselors Examination). I studied for months, learning, and trying to remember boat loads of information some of which I don’t even think we learned in school. I needed a solid month to take a break and relax after all the paper writing and studying for school before cramming for the exam, it was well deserved. I finally felt ready (I really didn’t feel ready, but I was tired of waiting) and signed up for the test. Of course, I recognized only 2-3 questions on the exam, most of it I felt like I had never seen before. That was nerve racking, let me tell you! I had no idea if I passed or failed, it was stressing me out, but I was glad to be done studying. 

About a month or so later I got my results back and I passed, I was almost surprised since I felt like I had never seen that material before, but I guess my educated guesses were good enough! I’ll take that any day! I needed this test score so I could find a supervisor and finally start counting the hours I was getting at my job. I searched for weeks and did several phone calls and interviews. I kept hearing back that they were already full, feeling defeated I was close to a break down. I got a call back and found a lady who seemed perfect, who was also trained in hypnotherapy, so it seemed like a good fit, so I accepted! Little did I know that I needed to read the Texas Board of Counselors Rules, guidelines, and ethics book a little more closely in the supervision section. My supervisor kept going out of town and not setting up time for me to meet with another supervisor in her place. One time we were to meet, and she didn’t even show up, saying she forgot we were meeting. I felt like there was something very wrong with this, so I started looking into other supervisors. I ended up meeting with one that would become my supervisor for the rest of my internship who was appalled at my situation. This supervisor was breaking a whole slew of rules I was unaware of, my intuition was correct. I trusted this supervisor to guide me and teach me the supervising process, therefore I didn’t do my own research thinking I was okay. It turns out there’s a requirement to meet individually 2 times a month and one to two times in a group of 2 or more other interns. If the supervisor had to go out of town, they needed a supervisor to meet in their place. My hours were not being signed as well. My soon to be supervisor told me the tough news that the 150 hours I had accrued did not count towards my 1,500 direct hours because we did not follow board supervised requirements. I had to start completely over. Another red flag. 

As soon as I could I fired that supervisor but could not officially begin with my new supervisor until my old one signed off on the termination contract. I had to hound the supervisor to meet, I kept getting blown off. Another red flag. Two weeks of frustration I got the papers signed and completed my paperwork with my new supervisor. This was a great environment where I was able to see clients in her private practice alongside several other interns. It felt like a community, and it was a wonderful change of scenery. I learned more in one meeting with my supervisor than I ever learned with my old one, and most of all I felt supported and cared for. It was great! I kept working at my job and was allotted more responsibility running groups, but that added to my paperwork and amount of time to prepare and create material. I was very burnt out and knew I really wanted to switch gears to seeing clients in my supervisor’s private practice. I put in my two weeks about a year after working there and solely started focusing on that. I ended my pet sitting service and was committed to seeing clients only. Bad idea, I was struggling with money, still living at home with my parents, and barely had a caseload. 

I enjoyed seeing clients, but felt very lost when it came to using the skills I had learned in school to translating that in sessions. I was very nervous, beads of sweat dripping down my face, and feeling immense imposter syndrome again. I thought, “Why would anyone come to me? I don’t know what I’m doing?” Truth is, I didn’t know what I was doing, but deep down I knew I would figure it out in time, and I was going to have clients I just had to figure out what my niche target population was. I stayed general for a while, but that was not filling my cup in the slightest. I felt connected to trauma, so I became a certified trauma-informed therapist, continuing to  attract the general population, but I had felt way more confident and skilled now to work with clients. 

In my personal life I started leaning more into witchcraft, there was a natural pull towards practicing magik that I could not ignore. I started reading books about witchcraft and doing rituals here and there with my best friend. We didn’t know what we were doing, but it felt powerful, familiar, and exciting. We again both felt imposter syndrome and played it safe, not exploring a lot of the things I had wanted to, but it’s okay I was going to go at a rate I was comfortable with. I started talking more and more about it in my supervision and my supervisor said why don’t you focus on working with witches or spiritual people? To appeal to a greater audience, I chose people on a spiritual path who are seeking help with their trauma. I started having more clients and this felt good, but I had such a long way to go in my hours after starting over a year into my supervision I had to do something drastic. 

I did something I swore in grad school I would never do, work at a psych hospital. I said never because my first day in my ethics class a fellow student walks in with a black eye. I asked, “what the hell happened to you?” He said, “I work at a psych hospital and one of the patience punched me in the face before I put him in a hold.” I was stunned and terrified, never wanting to sign up for that. After months of interviews and failed attempts to get in with agencies because I did not want to commit to a year contract. All that was left on my list was psych hospitals. I went to two interviews and felt the least scared by the second one, so that’s the one I went with. I was pleased and scared when I got accepted for the job as an intake therapist in admissions. I wasn’t fully prepared for the 6 months journey I was about to go on, I don’t think it was possible to be prepared for a job like that. I was desperate at this point to finish my last 500 plus hours and knew I could fly through them in this setting. I reminded myself that it was going to be added experience. 

There were more things than not that did not sit well with me at the psych hospital, but I will tell you about what affected me the most. The eye-opening experience assessing kids with “schizophrenia”. Being who I was, I was once a kid with Clair audience hearing spirit, but no one put me in a psych hospital, but these poor kids were. I was grateful to be the one they would speak with after first arriving to the hospital. They were confused, upset, and terrified. I understood them, I didn’t make them feel crazy and I would never invalidate their experiences unlike the rest of the adults and professionals we were surrounded by. My heart was breaking for these kids who are being told and treated like crazy people labeled with schizophrenia and given brain damaging medications to stop the hallucinations and delusions. They are treated like a problem, like there is something wrong with them that needs to be fixed. These kids are gifted, they are clairvoyants and clairaudients, they are not crazy, and they don’t need medication that will make them hallucinate and become delusional if they get off the meds. Their entire life journey is going to be uprooted by the choice I am forced to make under the system I was working for where we aren’t allowed to see Clair abilities. We were only allowed to see disorders and label patients as such based off the described symptoms. The counseling and medical world do not leave space for gifted people with other worldly abilities because it isn’t proven by science to be true. This was the last red flag for me. I did not fit into this world, I refused to because I knew better. I could not live a lie and destroy kids’ lives when all they need is guidance to develop and utilize their abilities to help others. I was maddened by the injustice of the system and the rigid point of view of the mental health and medical field. I was beyond ready to quit this job with an unwavering call to action. 

My family and friends told me to be careful talking about this with my colleagues because I could get fired or even locked up in there myself, but I refused to be silent. I used my best judgement and spoke on my frustrations to the couple of people I trusted and told them about my experiences and about being a witch. Those few understood and were accepting, they also believed people could speak to and see spirit, but they also work in the field and setting where validating Clair abilities is not an option. I became extremely passionate about focusing my client population on individuals who have Clair abilities, who are witches, and on a spiritual path. This was it I thought! I took a leap of faith and quit my job once I completed my 3,000 hours. 

My parents were not happy that I quit with only a few clients in my supervisor’s private practice that I was still seeing. They were grateful to not hear me cry or complain about my job anymore. I felt a surge of motivation and went out in nature spending 3 hours straight writing my website bio. I never edited that draft, pasting it straight onto my website. In 3 months, I went from 3 clients to 31 clients, woah, I manifested that shit! I discovered my truth, followed my intuition, and trusted that the universe would provide me with exactly what I was manifesting because it came from my heart space. I got exactly what I asked for and knew it would happen. I was amazed even though I had also manifested getting into grad school, but I hadn’t intentionally known I was manifesting at that time, but that’s exactly what it was. If I hadn’t believed in manifestation before, I did now. 

It was quite the experience explaining to my parents that I was a witch, wanting to work with witches. I love and respect my parents, but they very much have the beliefs grounded in their generation of skepticism, logic, evidence, rigid three-dimensional thinking without any room for magik and what can’t be explained. That is okay, I accept them for who they are, but it was a task. There were statements of, “that is make believe”, “that isn’t real”, “no one is going to come to you”, “there’s not enough people like that to fill your caseload”, “magik and witches aren’t real”. The discussion did end in, “no matter what we support you in whatever you do, we’re happy for you, we want you to be successful and make enough money to be independent.” I proved them wrong and was very happy about that hah! I had learned enough in school and had gone through my own growth journey to understand that they supported me in the best way they knew how and that no matter what their love for me would not change, nor did they need to understand it, I just needed to follow the beat of my own drum and make it happen. 

The next steps were applying for my full LPC licensure, a nightmare. I submitted all my paperwork and now I just needed to wait. The board was of course months behind on reviewing applications, so I had to wait while still paying my supervisor even though I was done with my hours. Another red flag. As I took time to prepare myself for running my own private practice, I started refreshing my memory, reading through the hundreds of pages of board rules. Feeling like my head was exploding, completely overwhelmed by the jargon and number of rules and guidelines we must follow and keep up with. I again felt red flags pop up. There were so many aspects that didn’t sit well with me, and I seemed to be the only one who was frustrated when I would talk to other newly fully licensed LPC’s I was interning with. I have naturally never been a rule follower or liked rules to begin with, and as a therapist, yes rules are necessary and needed because of the sensitive and confidential responsibility of working with individual’s mental health and their very private information. The rules applying to those things I completely understood why they were in place and had no issues following, they were important. 

Many other rules I thought were utter bullshit. To name a few, our license was only good for 3 years in which to keep our license we had to take another exam and have a certain number of continuing education (CEU’s) hours….every 3 years. That really pissed me off, I didn’t want to have to do that. Of course, if I wanted to learn something new, gain new skills I was happy to take CEU’s, but being forced to do it in a certain amount of time just to keep my license seemed absurd and stressed me out. Another rule was the note taking. 

They wanted us to write treatment plans which takes hours or days for one client with constant revisions, you have to diagnose clients which I never wanted to do and never did (I never diagnosed clients because I did not want to label my clients. There are many cases in which diagnoses can be very beneficial and helpful for clients to better understand themselves or to receive medication, treatment options, and government financial aid that would otherwise not be available. Again I am just writing on my own experiences and had not come across a time where I had seen this as valuable in my own case load as a clinician). We had to write the notes in third person, having to use direct quotes from clients about their experience, only utilize therapeutic modalities and approaches approved by the board which was some of the oldest, outdated, and common ones (that I never used) with reasons why we used it. If we used a different therapeutic approach not on the approved list, we had to explain why with substantial evidence why it is helpful, beneficial, and needed as a practical tool within reason. Those note taking rules really drove me bonkers. 

Another rule is we cannot work outside of Texas unless we receive a license in other states. That can be fine, but it’s not always so easy as each state has different standards and qualifications for licensure, so it often required taking a test or more classes to get approved. Some states were easy, but some states did not allow out of state therapists to get licensed. One rule that makes sense was you cannot work with friends, family, or acquaintances. I knew the reasons why for this and understood it, but I also felt like if I wish I could be allowed because I have the ability to compartmentalize job and personal life very well and with ease, but of course never did this (This was a big pull for me towards coaching later in the process as I did want the opportunity to work with friends, family, people in any location across the world and it be within the rules and ethical means). 

One more rule was we had to pay a fee to renew our license, after all the work we were doing, they couldn’t even give us this for free. It was wild to me. There were other rules that I can’t think of in this moment but reading this I already knew I didn’t want to continue being a therapist who was met with great inner conflict. I had just done 5 years of nonstop hard work to get to this point and quit, I was terrified to feel this way and to make a change, so I kept being a therapist giving myself time to figure it out. 

Almost 3 or 6 months later, I can’t remember because I blocked it out of my memory, I finally got my full licensure. I was so over the whole process and dealing with the board that was not very accommodating or easy to work with. At this point I was so angry with the system, angry at how they treat mental health professionals and how hard they make this process just so we can help people. I was grateful to be making all the money myself now without paying a supervisor, that was the silver lining that kept me going. 

During this waiting period I had gone through a lot of changes. I had moved out of my parents’ house into my own apartment, I had ended my friendship with my best friend of 10 years which was heart breaking. I had entered my first witch school and really dived into my magikal practice, and discovered something big, I wanted to be a spiritual life coach. Witch school with Mia Magik really helped me unlock this clear vision of being a coach. She is a spirit coach, saying terms I say in therapy, working with the inner child and trauma, but focusing on spirituality, utilizing, and teaching magik. That was my fucking dream job that I never knew existed!! I was yet again beyond excited and terrified at knowing again, everything is about to change. I was afraid. 

I remember finally speaking up in our biweekly zoom call with the whole school coven stating out loud for the first time my dilemma of just receiving my license and knowing I now wanted to be a coach after all the work I just completed. I will never forget her response. Her facial expression looked empathetic but also slightly frustrated with me. She said, “Girl what are you waiting for? So what you put in all that time and effort, it was not wasted! It was so incredibly valuable and important on your journey for where you are going. You are way more qualified than me to be talking about the things that I and other coaches support people with and that valuable experience and accolades are going to make you even more attractive and respected to your future clients and in the field. You will have no issue getting clients. Just do it already, what do you have to lose? I believe in you. Work through your shadows of fear and failure and walk your path with confidence. You are going to be amazing and so successful; you just must see what I see in you.” I was stunned and everything she said was 100% true. I felt more confidence to get it done in that moment than ever before, but also knew the very ethical responsibility I have to my clients that I cannot abandon. It would be a process, but now I would be working towards that goal of being a spiritual life coach. 

After I completed Witch School I opened up my Mystic Journey, LLC to be ready and to put it out into the universe that I was working towards it. I began letting clients know that I would be switching but had not decided on a time frame just yet due to some shadows I still needed to work through. I then signed up for another school Witchy Rich and focused on my financial and personal abundance in business and in my life. My life began bringing in all sorts of abundance in terms of attracting a partner that I called in through months of manifestation magik, a wonderful group of friends, a new home, a beautiful new dog, my late Pawpaw had become one of my spirit guides and gaining traction within the spiritual and magikal communities online and locally in Austin. As I was making enough money to get by, it was nowhere near the abundance I was seeking, because I was not living in my truth, I was still doing psychotherapy even though my heart was not in it. The universe was blocking me and nudging me towards overcoming my fears of not knowing enough and not being successful enough. I needed to close that door so another could open. I had to free up space. I focused on my shadow work and signed up for another school, this time a yearlong program. 

I had a synchronistic connection with Desiree Dunbar, a life coach, and high priestess of the Magdalena rose path who asked for an opportunity to connect over the phone to discuss her priestess school starting the following month. She said, “I select all my priestesses by following my intuition as spirit guides her to the right people.” This school focused on working through shadows, the witch wound, and building up necessary skills and wisdom to become a high priestess of the Magdalena rose path as well, helping women heal across the world through magik and ritual. There are various skills within the program that we learned not only from being a guide and facilitator of healing ritual meditations, diving into the pagan calendar celebrations, and building skills to have a successful magikal business. Learning history and wisdom from all corners of the magikal world with their traditions, their connected goddess and deity correspondence to use in magik and ritual, energetic NLP (non-linguistic programing), guided journey meditations. As well as a plethora of workshops and teachings from esteemed spiritual, metaphysical, priestesses, clairvoyants, healers across the world sharing their gifts and guidance in an educational platform. There was a huge magikal sisterhood of women from around the world on the same path working to lead a more successful magikal life and business I connected with. It really was fated and meant for me on my path. During this program having several ritual guided journeys I had memories of my past lives of being a priestess and shaman that my akashic records reading had told me about, it opened up the space for me to heal from the fear of being demonized and murdered, that it was now safe to do this work visibly guidance and healing in this program is what really pushed me to heal from my shadows and end my therapy business. Focusing solely on spiritual life coaching. It gave me the wisdom and experience I needed to feel confident in my own abilities as a guide and healer that I was missing. 

As my coaching business took off, I began leading birthday moon circles, teaching shadow workshops, having new moon rituals with friends and new clients, and people coming to me for coaching by word of mouth. It was so fulfilling and exactly what I had manifested. I felt at home in this role, teaching, and guiding others on their path to healing and leading a magikal life. With this inspiration I felt in my fully realized role, I thought why stop now? I had been interested in reiki for years and finally took that leap this year and became a reiki master practitioner. To have the healing skills to help my clients heal their energetic blocks and to cut chords to what holds them back as another element to the work that we do. This has brought so much joy to my life. 

As my journey progresses and expands with abundance I cannot wait to see where this life takes me. I am beyond excited to see what else I will be bringing to the table to offer all of you on your journey. There are no coincidences why you are here reading this or interested in my offerings, you were guided. I hope that you follow your heart and take a leap of faith in yourself and trust in your journey, there are no wrong turns only new paths. I took so many different paths on my way to get here, but I feel like no matter what I would have been led to this point in my life doing exactly this. 

Every chapter in my journey was important even when it didn’t feel like it at the time. Each chapter instilling wisdom and valuable experience in the development of who I have become as a person, daughter, friend, partner, guide, teacher, coach, healer, mystic. My time as a therapist has been a true gift. It has had an enormous impact on my approach and skills as a coach. It gave me the ability to see what my clients are needing to heal and unblock with the information of how to do that on all levels. My wisdom and practices as a witch and high priestess imbuing me with the vision to go deeper as a guide to help you evolve spiritually and magically. I realize now how each step mattered. 

Looking back when I was frustrated beyond belief. I felt stagnant, unhappy, and lost. My lesson then was to surrender to what is. I learned many life lessons. There is meaning and purpose in every stage that we have no idea what it is for and where it is going to take us. The lesson of patience, of comfortability of the unknown. Being okay with not knowing. Trusting that if I do the work to heal, the truth and path will open up even brighter and more fantastic than I could have ever dreamed. Not knowing is a gift, not a curse. The universe does not do things to us, it does things for us. Through many dark nights of the soul, tapping into the dark goddesses to help me find strength in transformation of the self and to be reborn into the magikal goddess I am today. I am so grateful for feeling the pain, so that I could feel true happiness. There is beauty and light amongst the pain when you allow yourself to open your perspective to trust why it is happening. When we accept and surrender through every bit of darkness the light soon lights the way. With every end is a beginning. With every challenging lesson there is opportunity to evolve. All you have to do is follow your heart, your intuition, and trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. This is your journey, embrace it whole heartedly. 

Many blessings and love <3 Courtney